Oh man. Of course I am sabotaging my further journey. How could I not? In my experience moving further mostly meant falling apart, and I have tiny people here who depend 24/7 on me not doing that. Even breaking a stupid leg was enough disruption to our family life, how much harder would it be to remain the bedrock that everyone relies upon while I'm broken to pieces?
Even Buddha himself did not manage to go on this journey and raise a family at the same time. I desperately need some role models to show me how this can be done.
yeahp, feels like in this time, in that context, it would be literally superhuman to just keep going. the support structure doesn't exist, the incentives and understanding aren't there, the risks are high;
Though it does feel like the patience piece is in here somewhere? Like something slow and deep can still happen, maybe,, it just doesn't look like the thing that happens in a couple years of full-time commitment, it looks like a thing that happens in a decade or two of interwoven commitments. That's a shape that's feeling like it's somewhere in here to me.
Thank you, I'll have to meditate on this. For the last few years I've had this sense that there's no more insights for me to be discovered until I complete many years of boring ground work. Could this boring ground work become something I'm fully devoted to? The insight junkie in me is not a big fan of this idea, but I guess it's either this or self-sabotage and restlessness.
You are spot on with these reflections. I explore similar terrain (and interact with Campbell, Plotkin, Hillman) in my book The Way Home. I call the transformation phase “Falling into the Unknown” and its tasks took me years - befriending the darkness, wandering in the wild, and facing your death.
Not trying to be self-promo-y here but sharing in case the map might be helpful to other pilgrims. 🙏
“His personal ambitions being totally dissolved, he no longer tries to live but willingly relaxes to whatever may come to pass in him; he becomes, that is to say, an anonymity.”
Wonderful piece! While I could absolutely be doing more and you’ve written well about the lack of good maps for completing the journey, I worry that the goal you’re describing is asymptotic - always receding. And therefore dukha is the main outcome of all this.
I’m typically allergic to working toward goals which is why the hero’s journey always bothered me a bit. I do like what you say about landmarks. When you find yourself at a place where you can die and be reborn you ought to do it. Easier said than done. My liveness needs to come with equanimity- thanks for responding
I think the ‘asymptotic’ frame requires a finish line or something, and that frame doesn’t really feel appropriate to me.
A) I do think there are recognizable landmarks and waystations that scratch the “finish line” itch while still allowing/encouraging further development,
B) The journey might be endless, something you’re not ever finished with, but that doesn’t feel like something to “worry” about to me. Buddhist view is “dukha bad, stop dukha”, but I often have a sense that many people experience longing/yearning as dukha… and that it’s entirely possible to “flip” that into experiencing longing as something very alive and beautiful and encouraging. James Hillman had a nice quote around this, something like “the solution to the longing for union is union with the longing.”
A lot of it probably comes down to what you find alive and exciting. Some people, in some contexts, really want a finish line so they can check off the box, and find the idea of not finishing exhausting. Others, in that same situation, might get incredibly excited. Like when you finish a book, get sad that it’s over, then find out there are sequels.
For those who are reading these comments and looking for the people who will meet you on the stations of your journey, as you mature beyond and beyond, I encourage you to reach out.
Oh man. Of course I am sabotaging my further journey. How could I not? In my experience moving further mostly meant falling apart, and I have tiny people here who depend 24/7 on me not doing that. Even breaking a stupid leg was enough disruption to our family life, how much harder would it be to remain the bedrock that everyone relies upon while I'm broken to pieces?
Even Buddha himself did not manage to go on this journey and raise a family at the same time. I desperately need some role models to show me how this can be done.
yeahp, feels like in this time, in that context, it would be literally superhuman to just keep going. the support structure doesn't exist, the incentives and understanding aren't there, the risks are high;
Though it does feel like the patience piece is in here somewhere? Like something slow and deep can still happen, maybe,, it just doesn't look like the thing that happens in a couple years of full-time commitment, it looks like a thing that happens in a decade or two of interwoven commitments. That's a shape that's feeling like it's somewhere in here to me.
Thank you, I'll have to meditate on this. For the last few years I've had this sense that there's no more insights for me to be discovered until I complete many years of boring ground work. Could this boring ground work become something I'm fully devoted to? The insight junkie in me is not a big fan of this idea, but I guess it's either this or self-sabotage and restlessness.
This is exactly what I needed to read today, and it came at the moment I needed it.
Thank you for writing and sharing this.
"To be afraid is to not have a friend." - I love this.
You are spot on with these reflections. I explore similar terrain (and interact with Campbell, Plotkin, Hillman) in my book The Way Home. I call the transformation phase “Falling into the Unknown” and its tasks took me years - befriending the darkness, wandering in the wild, and facing your death.
Not trying to be self-promo-y here but sharing in case the map might be helpful to other pilgrims. 🙏
“His personal ambitions being totally dissolved, he no longer tries to live but willingly relaxes to whatever may come to pass in him; he becomes, that is to say, an anonymity.”
—Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces
Wonderful piece! While I could absolutely be doing more and you’ve written well about the lack of good maps for completing the journey, I worry that the goal you’re describing is asymptotic - always receding. And therefore dukha is the main outcome of all this.
I’m typically allergic to working toward goals which is why the hero’s journey always bothered me a bit. I do like what you say about landmarks. When you find yourself at a place where you can die and be reborn you ought to do it. Easier said than done. My liveness needs to come with equanimity- thanks for responding
I think the ‘asymptotic’ frame requires a finish line or something, and that frame doesn’t really feel appropriate to me.
A) I do think there are recognizable landmarks and waystations that scratch the “finish line” itch while still allowing/encouraging further development,
B) The journey might be endless, something you’re not ever finished with, but that doesn’t feel like something to “worry” about to me. Buddhist view is “dukha bad, stop dukha”, but I often have a sense that many people experience longing/yearning as dukha… and that it’s entirely possible to “flip” that into experiencing longing as something very alive and beautiful and encouraging. James Hillman had a nice quote around this, something like “the solution to the longing for union is union with the longing.”
A lot of it probably comes down to what you find alive and exciting. Some people, in some contexts, really want a finish line so they can check off the box, and find the idea of not finishing exhausting. Others, in that same situation, might get incredibly excited. Like when you finish a book, get sad that it’s over, then find out there are sequels.
"Surviving the first night is always intense! 🌙" minecraft
For those who are reading these comments and looking for the people who will meet you on the stations of your journey, as you mature beyond and beyond, I encourage you to reach out.
I'm looking for you, too.